Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
