So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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