He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
