"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
