you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
