First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
