Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
