3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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