they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
