apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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