he wants to bone in the snuggie
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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