If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
