3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
