There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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