So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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