i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
