He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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