Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
