Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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