how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
