i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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