Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Randomize
