My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
