A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He passed out mid-signature
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
