CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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