Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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