I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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