I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
