I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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