You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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