I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ugly people sure do ruin things
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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