I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
BRING THE BAGELS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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