i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
