Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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