She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
