I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
