census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
