I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
