Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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