also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize