Will you blow on my dice?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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