for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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