SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
