I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
