Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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