Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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