Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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