one two three fourrrrnication!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
