Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
FUCK WHALES
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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