It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
