remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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