I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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