no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
