you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
