just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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