Apparently you make a good broom.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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