My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
