that's an acceptable place to lick
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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