she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
