1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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