genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
