There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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