Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
