I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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