U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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