She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
