Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
