I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
