I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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