then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
