i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
