i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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